Ok, so I don’t post regularly; and I haven’t been doing as much writing as I would like. But, this should be my last year of uni!
I feel like a need a year off; but if I do that I know that I won’t want to come back – I’ll be too used to writing in my spare time, which I’ll actually have!
I’m drained, totally mentally (and emotionally) exhausted. But I can’t give up now, not when everything that I have worked for over the last three and a half years is so close.
But I’m sabotaging myself.
And that’s not alright.
Sometimes I justify it, “I was sick that week.”; “I subconsciously want to make my lecturer disappointed in me so that I won’t find him attractive anymore.”
(The worst part about that last one is that it’s not working – he knows the basic layout of my life [single mum, uni student, nearly 30] and he is unfailingly understanding, and that alone is driving me crazy! Why can’t he just be disappointed or mad at me?
It’s also true that I haven’t been as healthy as I would have liked lately, which ironically is getting in the way of my attempt to get healthy.)
I’m getting to good at it, it used to be something that would make me work like a fiend for a couple of days just before my assignment was due – that was alright, for reasons unknown I produced some of my best work. But lately I have made a new friend, whose name I only learned a few days ago – the Instant Gratification Monkey – only he’s not really a very good friend. Thanks to the IGM I have missed two assignments and am on the way to a third (right now).
But is it really procrastination? Or is it apathy? I have no desire to do anything useful, especially study.
Easter break starts on Friday, and I wish I could say that I was looking forward to the break – but the thing is I don’t really get one, sure I don’t have to go to classes, but I have one week (plus Friday) off, and two assignments due the Monday I get back.
I apologise for the whinge-fest.
Hopefully soon I will be back to full capacity.
Wattpaders should note that two new parts have gone up on From The Ground, Up; it is starting to take new turns (really new – as in I had no idea that was going to happen!), which is concerning, because it may not end the way it was supposed to now – which would actually not be a good thing, this time anyway.
Oh, remind me to review the Night Watch series, in three books time (I’ve read the first two – whoever told you that it was a trilogy either said it before the series was finished, or they were sadly misinformed); and the Maze Runner trilogy. And The Kitchen House, so many amazing reads over March – while avoiding all forms of real work.